A poem by me to describe how a rigorous public schooling system has many downsides, and too many overlooked upsides, albeit the positives are all too rare.
I liked this piece. I do not know much about poetry so I'm really not good at giving meaningful feedback. I also enjoyed the two fantasy excerpts I read, Heights and Bleeding Feet. The only thing I would consider adding is getting into the weeds on describing Baasim taking off his socks. I don't know if you have ever bled in your sock and shoe but I figure just about everyone has. What I remember most is how I had to peel my sock off and it hurt like hell to do so because the blood had dried and glued it to my foot. It also made a soft almost velcro like sound but that could have been my imagination. I really enjoyed it though.
I liked this piece. I do not know much about poetry so I'm really not good at giving meaningful feedback. I also enjoyed the two fantasy excerpts I read, Heights and Bleeding Feet. The only thing I would consider adding is getting into the weeds on describing Baasim taking off his socks. I don't know if you have ever bled in your sock and shoe but I figure just about everyone has. What I remember most is how I had to peel my sock off and it hurt like hell to do so because the blood had dried and glued it to my foot. It also made a soft almost velcro like sound but that could have been my imagination. I really enjoyed it though.
Enjoyed the piece not having to peel off my sock lol.
Okay, I was wondering! 😆
And thank you! I'm actually really glad for the feedback, since I hope to be starting the second draft soon!
My skills have grown since Bleeding Feet, and I couldn't quite get the dried blood seeming just right, so I'll be sure to revist that!
So deep and beautiful <3
Thank you for sharing!
So deep in feeling
Thank you, I really dredged deep in my soul for this one!
Thank you so much!
I'm sure you are apart of the light and hopeful!
From who you are on Substack I can tell you're a great teacher.